Today was hard. Bittersweet. Today we packed up the rest of the milk that was supposed to be hers. Since birth, eating was always our biggest worry while also being one of our greatest joys. Leni was premature and had some difficulty feeding. She was TINY. She got tired- eating was tough work for such a peanut! Because of this, Leni sported her NGT (nasogastric tube) for a good majority of her life. This allowed her to eat as much as she could and then supplement as needed. Once she got the hang of it, she LOVED drinking her milk. All of the (breastfeeding), pumping, storing, freezing and so on was a LOT. It was truly a labor of love. One that we were so happy to do for her.

When Leni was dying, I remember begging to make the milk stop. It was such a painful reminder of something so intimately shared amongst my family. My body was aching as we cried innumerable tears for our poor baby. Leni was able to get some of the last of my milk (again through a tube) as we thought it would make her happy.

In the month I pumped, we were able to store up 576 oz of milk. We decided to donate the milk. There is now a Leni leaf on the memorial tree at the milk bank which honors the babies who have passed whose milk will go to nourish other babies. How special is that? Leni is being remembered all over and we couldn’t be more proud.

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